I watch you hunt for snails and slugs in our little garden. Lifting up each pot one by one, protecting our Clematis with the same ferocity an already stand-offish cat would their litter.
The way I look at you as you tend to our raised beds I imagine is the same way other women looked at their partners if they’d fought to protect their honour or brought home a fresh kill to hungry bones.
Instead you brought me a ton of soil I gleefully wheelbarrowed through the house, potatoes we harvested too early because I just can’t help myself and new life into my once lightless home.
You could easily be mistaken that this is not a heroic act, but you would be wrong. It takes courage to plant seeds and pray for fresh shoots. To love someone so much you can’t help but smile when they are outside with their phone light, hands on hips, moving along the very thing that threatens the dream of soft, ripe fruit.
There was a time I wanted a lot. If you’re really quiet you’ll hear my credit cards laughing in unison at the understatement. These days, I only hope the slugs will be merciful, that you’ll let me cut the basil even though it’s not time yet and will stay with me in this garden until sunset.
You’ve been working away all week and it’s felt strange. I rely on you a lot for things. Your insanely infectious laugh that is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever devoured, the warmth in between your thighs intended for my always cold feet but most of all, slug watch. I’m okay with that. Needing others, needing someone. I don’t want to be independent, today I choose infatuation. Infatuation for this life, my garden and the person who grew it with me.
Each evening while you’re away working I do not check for these wildly clever predators. Giving them a chance to gain numbers once more, imagining they are just girls, like me, going nuts over eating ‘picky bits’ and so on your return I can sit with a tea and watch you scour our garden.
When you’re gone, I feel a little lost without you. But I have come to learn, if you have ever lost something, chances are you’ll find it in the garden.
All my love,
K x